I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
