Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
