garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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