So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
