Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
