remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
