I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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