FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
