kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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