16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And the cops told us we were all naked.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
