Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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