my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
These tits shall not be calmed
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
