I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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