TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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