I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
