how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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