Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The struggles of a small town man whore
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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