I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
