i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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