I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
