I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
