I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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