Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
