even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
