Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Sober January is a disaster.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
