I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
