fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
