Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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