I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
