hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
