I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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