is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
