their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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