why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
