I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
