gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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