We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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