I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
