Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize