I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize