I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
