ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
