I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
