Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
