Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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