I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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