So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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