come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
