Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
