Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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