I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
