I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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