hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
