oh god the rape fog is back!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
