You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
