I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize