my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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