i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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