I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
