i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
