I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
