I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
