I'm drive I can fine osifer
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
