I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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