you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
