and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
