dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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