i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
