Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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