I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
