I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize