True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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