don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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